May 28, 2014

Logs & Specks: A lost draft I'd meant to publish but forgot

To the person who didn't like her crown of thorns You know who else didn't like HIS crown of thorns?  Jesus.  The least you could do (and I mean it, the very least), is to not try to use his suffering as some sort of misguided household decoration.

To the person who screamed at my co-worker, then told her to "be blessed":  Your love of your pastor in no way makes it okay to let out your frustration on people who you may see as anonymous robots, but who are in fact very human and very real.  This is the fish-on-the-car problem again- when you're a jerk then try to wrap it in Christianity, the mixture really doesn't sit well.  Maybe what she should have imprinted on that Bible is "For my pastor, from a whited sepulcher".  PS: getting upset with someone over a Bible (that YOU made a mistake on, but let's not get into that) is pretty obvious.  Can you really not see the irony there?  Take the plank out of your own eye, etc.

To the person who grilled me about Bible citation etiquette:  I'm sorry, I should have come right out and told you what I know about the publishing world- that your manuscript (possibly handwritten) is going to end up in someone's garbage.  If you call a 1-800 number to find out whether you need to "say where a verse is from", then sigh when I tell you that yes, you need to cite, not only is it not going to happen unless you publish it yourself, but many of the "Bible verses" are likely not in the Bible at all.  'A penny saved is a penny earned', for example?  Not in the text.  Also, 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'.  Secondly, if you sigh and say "Really?!" when I tell you that yes, you'll probably need to reread what you wrote- unless you are a stone-cold genius of the highest caliber (possible), there is a far greater chance of Queen Elizabeth calling you on the telephone and asking you to be a James Bond style super spy, than there is of this book being published.

To the woman who wants to get a psychology book so she can tell her family "What's wrong with 'em":  We should probably have refused to sell you a book.  I hope your family will accept my apology.  If they still speak to you and you can tell them.  Also, please refer to the end of my note to the "Be Blessed" person above.  I'd cite the Bible verse, but I can't be bothered to reread what I've written.

To the multiple people who have corrected my Happy Easter greeting, to let me know they refer to it as Resurrection Sunday:  You know what?  I'm not impressed by what you're trying to do here.  Do you really believe you're starting some sort of subtle grassroots revolution?  You've heard- probably from a blurb in a conservative magazine- that Easter is a word that referred to a pagan ceremony that celebrated rebirth.  And now you're calling the Bible Bookstore (which you think is Family Christian Bookstore) and want to share your newfound insight into 'the truth of things' with the unenlightened phone operator who you assume (wrongly, in most cases) is some sort of brainless troglodyte.  You should check out some of Jesus' stories about religious folks who thought they were better than... oh, let's say tax collectors.  Or women caught in adultery.

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